I Don't Wanna Grow Up!

Today, I went with my Step-dad to see his surgeon. He has an official diagnosis of Diffuse Large B-cell Lymphoma. The next step is staging. He will get a PET Scan and have some other tests run in order to determine what stage the disease is in. This is certainly not the most fun I've ever had.

I find myself running through different scenarios in my head, some better than others. I have to admit this is one of those times when a sibling or two would really come in handy. I live over 300 miles away from my mom & step-dad. This makes me uneasy. My mom does not drive. She's has her own physical limitations that she's in denial about and she really doesn't like to hear me talk about things that remind her she's getting more fragile herself. She's always prided herself in taking  care of things without outside help, she's not wanting to even look at her options.

Honestly, I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. That's my true selfish nature, there. It's hard to imagine that my parents are actually getting old. In my head, I'm sure that I'm only 21, so how can my parents be so old? The truth is I'm pushing 40, I mean REALLY pushing 40, so that means they are... Well, yeah, old. I want to stomp my feet and yell about how it's not fair, but the naked truth is that I have an extremely charmed life compared to so many others. My "not fair" would look so dern good to them. So, for now, I'll put on those big girl panties and go act like a grown up.  At least, for now.

Stagnant

Tonight in a meeting, I made a passing comment that has come back to mind a number of times. Call it a conviction, if you'd like. I think I shall, because it feels that way to me.

The gist of what I said is that I felt my Christian walk was much stronger, deeper, more mature when I was in high school/college. As I struggle with the things of adulthood (aging, teenage children, bills, household chores, shall I continue?) I'm afraid that I lost some of the zeal and fire of my youth. I know that it doesn't have to be this way, others have modeled a lifetime of passion in service to the God of Creation. So, what's my problem?

I bet I resemble too many Christian moms in this. We try to do the best job we can taking care of our families that we often put ourselves last, not just physically, but also emotionally and, more importantly, spiritually.

In the part few years I've become convinced that I need to take better care of myself physically and I have made some changes to do so, but until tonight I truly didn't realize that my spiritual growth had stagnated and needed some special attention, too.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't walk away from faith, I served in church, I loved God, I worshiped, I prayed...all the things I was supposed to do, but I truly don't think I've progressed much past the place I was some, er, 15 years ago.

I think it's time. What about you? Has it been a while since you've experienced some growth in your Christian walk? What are some of the barriers that have kept you from growing? If you've "been here, done this" how have you worked to overcome the barriers to growth? I'm listening.

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Contentment vs. Complacency

So I've had this post rolling around in my head for some time. I'm still struggling with how to word the ideas in my head, but I'll give it a go.

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to listen to a friend and she struggled with some issues in her relationships with her family. This past year has been very difficult for everyone in her family. Some very serious decisions had to be made and so much good has come from making them. Now many people have said to her to be happy things are better now than they were last in the past even if there are struggles in areas that haven't changed that are still causing so much pain and strife. And while I agree, in theory, that things are better than they were and that should bring her much happiness, I cannot agree that she should not strive for more than what she has. She should not just be happy with the situation she lives in. The damage that could occur to her family is there if she "just accepts" that the changes that have been made are enough.

It brought to mind the idea of being content but not complacent. I've learned to be content in my life, accepting that each day is a blessing, another day to love my family and friends and to serve God and the community. But if I just accept that and grow complacent with the things I have or the person I am now, I will have failed. There are so many things in my physical, emotional and spiritual lives that can be improved. My body needs to be healthier, my home needs upkeep and some major repairs, my relationships with my husband and children need nurturing and love, my relationships with friends need time and communication and, most importantly, the time that I spend with God needs priority.

So, have you settled for what you have and where you are in life? Or do you live happily while striving to improve yourself and your environment?

Not A Supermom: Christmas Giveaway--Penzeys Spices!

Not A Supermom: Christmas Giveaway--Penzeys Spices!: "I'm not a great cook, but I do like good-quality ingredients. I think this makes my humble offerings turn out better than they otherwise w..."

It's too dern cold out!

I'm done with it. Seriously, I really enjoy a cold snap here in South Florida but two serious cold fronts in a row may be too much for this Florida native. The inside of my house is 62 degrees. I sure hope the sun heats it up soon.

In better news, I'm having a blast with my new Captivate Android phone. In fact, I'm using it to post this blog entry. How cool is that? It's a huge transition from my Blackjack II, that's for sure.

Here's to a great day! (well, if it warms up, anyway. LOL)

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It's dark outside this morning. For some of you, that probably doesn't come as a surprise. For me, sometimes I forget that there are people who get up before the sun. It's a strange feeling for me to sit in a dark, quiet house with all my children snoozing in their beds. Usually, by the time I'm rolling out of bed, at least one of my offspring is up making noises. *we won't mention that usually those noises are electronic in kind

But this morning, it is dark and quiet and I'm sitting here playing on my computer, contemplating the day. Schoolwork for the kids, at least a little, anyways. Physical Therapy for me. A long work day for my beloved. More coffee for sure.

Oh, and a shout out to my lovely friend, Sooze, who kindly let me know that I've been ignoring my blog way too long. Thanks, Sooze!

Not a Happy Anniversary

So today was the 9th anniversary. I don't have to tell you of what, do I? I think we all know what happened the morning of September 11th, 2001. Some folks have been posting where they were that morning. I was home. The kids and I had just returned from my morning shift as a crossing guard and I had this idea to turn on the television in my room. I did not usually do this as we were new homeschoolers and I was trying my hardest to fit our homeschool into a mold that, come to find out in later years, was not the one that worked best for us.

As I went about my room, doing whatever I was doing, the news interrupted the normal broadcast and announced something had caused an explosion at the World Trade Center. All cameras available were trained on the towers. This got my attention and I sat down to watch and see what was going on just as the second plane struck. SURREAL. That describes the feeling at the time. I just couldn't even focus on anything else.

The changes in our society since that time have seemed so many and, yet, so few. Some of those changes have been in our interpersonal relationships. I see and hear of so many people who live there lives based on fear and use that day as one example of why they should. What a sad existence that must be. This morning, I remember 9/11/01 and all of the people who were lost that day, by loving my family and friends and celebrating the life we have. I can't imagine that those who no longer can do that would want anything less than that.