Today, I went with my Step-dad to see his surgeon. He has an official diagnosis of Diffuse Large B-cell Lymphoma. The next step is staging. He will get a PET Scan and have some other tests run in order to determine what stage the disease is in. This is certainly not the most fun I've ever had.
I find myself running through different scenarios in my head, some better than others. I have to admit this is one of those times when a sibling or two would really come in handy. I live over 300 miles away from my mom & step-dad. This makes me uneasy. My mom does not drive. She's has her own physical limitations that she's in denial about and she really doesn't like to hear me talk about things that remind her she's getting more fragile herself. She's always prided herself in taking care of things without outside help, she's not wanting to even look at her options.
Honestly, I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. That's my true selfish nature, there. It's hard to imagine that my parents are actually getting old. In my head, I'm sure that I'm only 21, so how can my parents be so old? The truth is I'm pushing 40, I mean REALLY pushing 40, so that means they are... Well, yeah, old. I want to stomp my feet and yell about how it's not fair, but the naked truth is that I have an extremely charmed life compared to so many others. My "not fair" would look so dern good to them. So, for now, I'll put on those big girl panties and go act like a grown up. At least, for now.
*hug* It's not selfish to feel it. It's only selfish to let that feeling guide your decisions. *hug*
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